CovOps
 Location : Ether-Sphere
Job/hobbies : Irrationality Exterminator
Humor : Über Serious
 |  Subject: Funny: Republicans Worst Nightmare  Sat May 31, 2008 8:18 am | |
| Thanks to George W. Bush...
HEADLINES FROM THE YEAR: 2029
The total number of ozone-related deaths created by electric cars is now reported to be over 200,000 people in the seventh largest country in the world, Canamerico, formerly known as Canada, United States, and Mexico.
White minorities are still trying to have English recognized as the official third language
The recent Spotted Owl plague is now threatening northwestern crops and livestock.
A baby was conceived naturally in the state of Texico yesterday morning. Government scientists issued a declaration that they are going to create a special agency to investigate. This agency, to be headed by Michael Chertoff, former head of the Department of Homeland Security, will be given an annual budget of $14.7 trillion to assess how this can be prevented in the future.
A couple petitioned the Supreme Court today to reinstate heterosexual marriage.
Iran is to remain closed off after physicists estimated it will take at least 10 more years before radioactivity decreases to safe levels.
France pleaded for global help after being invaded and taken over by Jamaica. No other country comes forward to help the beleaguered nation.
Castro finally died at age 112 this morning. Cuban cigars can now be imported legally, but President Chelsea Clinton has issued an Executive Order banning all smoking.
George F.B.H. Bush says he will run for President in 2036.
The Postal Service raised the price of a first class stamp to $17.89 today and reduced mail delivery to Tue. Wed. Thurs. only.
The 85-year $75.8 trillion study on health finally came to a close today. The President's science advisers concluded that diet and exercise is the key to weight loss.
Average weight of Americans dropped to 250 lbs.
Global cooling is being blamed for citrus crop failures for the third consecutive year in the states of Mexifornia and Floruba.
The Senate approved a bill today allowing abortion clinics that will assist girls from 13 to 18 years of age. The clinics will now be made available in all secondary schools in addition to the high school clinics already in operation. This bill is said to cost taxpayers an additional $28 trillion per year. The Department of Education stated that it is a small price to pay for protecting our children.
Congress is still blocking drilling in Guam even though gas is selling for $45.32 per gallon and gas stations are only open on Tuesdays and Fridays.
Massachusetts executes last remaining conservative.
The Supreme Court ruled today that punishment of criminals violates their civil rights as afforded to them by the former United States Constitution. President Chelsea Clinton stepped in to override the ruling declaring that the court's decision was superseded by the forming of the North American Union and that they had no civil rights to begin with.
Average height of NBA players is now 9'-7" tall.
A new law was passed today requiring all nail clippers, screwdrivers, fly swatters and rolled-up newspapers to be registered by January 2030.
IRS set its lowest tax rate in 5 years at 61%.
The voters in the state of Floruba reported that the virtual voting booths are not reading the voice commands properly. The voters are calling for a recount to decide whether Jeb Bush, III or Hillary Alicia Clinton, granddaughter of President Chelsea Clinton, will be the next Governor of Floruba. This is the state's 27th election in a row where complaints have been made about the voting machines.
The Federal Reserve Bank is issuing a special gold coin to be distributed one month from today marking the 30th of the monetary transfer to the Amero. |
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