F.B.I. phone logs The following is a direct quote from the Center for Strategic and International Studies report on GLOBAL ORGANIZED CRIME.
FBI agents conducted a raid of a psychiatric hospital in San Diego that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents had worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor with delivery service to order a quick dinner for his colleagues.
The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping all conversations at the hospital.
Agent: Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda.
Pizza Man: And where would you like them delivered?
Agent: We're over at the psychiatric hospital.
Pizza Man: The psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's right. I'm an FBI agent.
Pizza Man: You're an FBI agent?
Agent: That's correct. Just about everybody here is.
Pizza Man: And you're at the psychiatric hospital?
Agent: That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around to the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas.
Pizza Man: And you say you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. How soon can you have them here?
Pizza Man: And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI agent?
Agent: That's right. We've been here all day and we're starving.
Pizza Man: How are you going to pay for all of this?
Agent: I have my checkbook right here.
Pizza Man: And you're all FBI agents?
Agent: That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked.
Pizza Man: I don't think so.
** Click **
Last edited by on Thu Dec 27, 2007 8:14 pm; edited 1 time in total
Subject: Man stuck in septic tank on Christmas Eve Thu Dec 27, 2007 8:13 pm
DES MOINES, Iowa - It was a stinky holiday for Robert Schoff.
The 77-year-old man spent part of Christmas Eve stuck upside down in the opening of his septic tank, with his head inside and his feet kicking in the air above.
"It wasn't good, I'll tell you what," Schoff said yesterday. "It was the worst Christmas Eve I've ever had."
Schoff reached into the tank Monday in an effort to find a clog, but he lost his balance and got wedged into the opening.
The 1.65-metre, 61 kilogram Schoff hollered and screamed for help, but it was an hour before his wife, Toni, walked by a window and saw his feet in the air.
"I saw these kicking feet and ran out, but couldn't get him out," Toni Schoff said.
She called emergency rescue and two sheriff's deputies yanked her husband out of the tank.
"I thought it was the end of my life," Schoff said. "Thank God my wife saw me. I don't think I could have stood staying in there much more."
Subject: Cindy Sheehan -- Moms of the World: Get Fucked! Fri Dec 28, 2007 10:46 pm
Under normal circumstances, Cindy Sheehan's extended vigil in Crawford, Texas near the "Western White House" would excite my liberal sensibilities.
Her push for "one more chat" with the President would speak to me as something out of a Frank Capra movie; that small, humble voice helping to bring about a movement of such righteous power that the callous hypocrites inhabiting their smoke filled rooms would be forced to retreat with their withered, broken cocks between their legs.
Alas, I am not inspired, and what's more, I am in no mood to throw my weight behind her so-called "cause" to force a defiant administration to admit error, if not outright deception.
Oh I believe her words speak to a mendacity unseen since the brighter days of Stalinism, but as is usually the case, I would be remiss if I attempted to separate the message from the messenger.
In short, this is a crusade not by an innocent, or a purveyor of democracy's stronger shades, but rather the most beastly, unholy creation in a land already teeming with disastrous designs of the human animal.
She is, at bottom, a mom. The word in itself is benign, perhaps even warm and inviting, but when coupled with purpose and political pretensions, she becomes savagery itself unleashed; a rabid dog so vile and so dangerous that had I a choice in the matter, I would rather face an army of illiterate fundamentalists, as redundant as that might be.
Moms, when imbued with a self-imposed sense of duty, do more harm than any other group in the history of mankind.
How do you think prohibition came about? Mom's must be stopped, even if they oppose America's most prominent retard.
If there is anything worthwhile, or pleasant, or fun, or even challenging in American life, you can rest assured that a mom has opposed it.
Notice how I say "mom" as opposed to "mother" or "momma." While all three can hurt you if you aren't looking, only "mom" holds any currency in the current cultural debate. From soccer moms to the Million Mom March, they use the informality to lull us into a state of security and nostalgia, all the while working diligently to strip the country of everything worth living for.
And even when their great push falls on the left side of the aisle, the appeals to "innocence" and "decency" far outweigh any political alignment with yours truly.
Because in the end, everything they do is "for the children."
All of life becomes filtered through that most heinous lens, that which brings everything back to how it might impact the brood back at the old homestead.
One example comes to mind here, and while the story is specific to Denver, Colorado, it is no doubt familiar to all.
The city of Centennial is facing a zoning crisis because a strip club wants to move in (and can, legally) but "no one" wants it in their area [Ed Note: Yeah right].
Arguments are numerous, but above all, what one hears on the news reports contain some form of the statement: "Not in a neighborhood, where MY SON might see it." They cite the presence of churches, schools, and parks, as if strip clubs by their very nature should only be built in back alleys or poverty-stricken hellholes.
One mom even suggested that she should not be put in the position of having to explain the strip club to her young one, who is all of FIFTEEN! Needless to say, the deluded hausfrau failed to notice the cum-soaked stacks of skin rags that threatened to overtake little Timmy's closet the last time she cleaned.
Hypocrisy aside, she also believes that women taking off their clothes for money is a direct threat to her hearth and home. It might be, but not in the way that she thinks. Perhaps the suburban-cow fears the extended absence of her already bored and overly-nagged and irritated husband who, heretofore, had used "work" as an excuse to stay away from the unrelenting hell that is family life, but now has a dark, smoky joint with alluring babes possessing skin wifey poo hasn't seen on her own haggard frame in a decade to keep him away nights.
Mom knows the old man can't stand the fucking sight of her, and she's trying to keep the faster, younger, exceedingly more interesting competition at bay.
Returning to Mrs. Ms. Sheehan, we have a woman who was more than willing to send her ugly pug of a child to the battlefield, so long as the explanation given was one of "liberation" and the catch-all "defense of freedom."
But now, betrayed, she seeks an answer, as if she too does not hold some complicity in the matter.
One can imagine this bellowing broad driving her gas-guzzling SUV around town while her "Support the Troops" stickers shine in the sun. She'd get all teary at her Army son, and even pause occasionally to remember those who "gave all" for world peace, or some such nonsense.
She was a true believer, and would have remained so had her lummox of a boy not seen fit to get himself killed.
Suddenly, and in a turn more shamelessly scripted than the average summer popcorn flick, she turned on her heel and saw that all was not right with the world; again, ONLY because the fruit of her loins received a shrapnel shower in the desert.
Where was this creature before the fall? Had she stepped from her idyllic existence for any cause greater than herself until it got personal? At bottom, she was (and is) the vintage American mom.
The world may burn and families be torn asunder, but when my front porch feels the sting, I'm strapping on the gear and getting involved. Too little, too late.
As such, moms are all about insignificant, hollow gestures that carry symbolic weight for a time, but in the end do little but satisfy a mom-ish sense of social change. Such change is, for a mom, only enough to get the wee ones through their lives without controversy, challenge, or -- perish the thought -- an individual viewpoint; a viewpoint that even partially undermines the usually god-filled, illusion-based house of cards they have so carefully constructed.
Moms are about order and routine, hence the obsessive scheduling for their kids, which amounts to little more than the complete abandonment of imagination and spontaneity. And everything is "practice" with these moms -- soccer, football, baseball, track -- anything that involves the triumph of physical prowess over the "wasteful" indulgences of the intellect.
Moms would never pack screaming snots into a van in order to hit the art gallery, or even the library, and when was the last time your fellow employee -- a mom -- needed to leave early because her beautiful baby was giving a speech?
No, it's always a mind-numbing "play," where we feign interest in the wooden Indian-ness of non-talents as they butcher even the most unchallenging prose for a packed house of digital cameras and shit-eating grins.
Again, if this were about the arts, then moms would be on the road to redemption, but it is about "the boy" being on stage, because moms have long ago mastered their most insidious talent -- believing with every fiber of their being that the comings and goings of their children are, by design, the first thing you want to hear about in any given conversation.
So let the final word on the subject be heard without fear of misunderstanding. Moms, we do not care that your child was able to gurgle or spew forth something that resembled a word. Unless that young one is severely brain damaged or locked away in a closet with only the flesh of rodents on which to subsist, he or she will eventually speak.
It's not a miracle, or an "event," or even something worth mentioning in passing! But let's backtrack to the time before they infect the world with their unending needs.
Pregnant moms-to-be: you are not sexy, nor is the event about to take place something bordering on the divine. I know you abhor the sound of the word evolution, but your belly? It's why we're here.
That said, in this world that has moved beyond mere survival to embrace culture, it's just a function; no different than taking a shit or vomiting.
In other words, I'm not interested in dilation, or number of weeks, or how you will bring forth your gross spawn. I can see that you forgot to take your birth control, so no further explanation is necessary. For me, your insidious bump is simply a reminder that you didn't have an abortion -- I have little interest in the rest of the story.
Perhaps moms are simply evil because, by definition, they are always paired with children. But outside of that fact, their behavior makes our world that much less livable. They hate taxes, but demand better schools. They blast the existence of music, film, and literature that contain graphic imagery, yet claim to support the very supply and demand that ensures those images' popularity and prevalence. They rant, scream, whine, and march, usually clad in bad clothes and always sporting jaw-droppingly bad hair.
Their lives are endless rounds of shit, toys, sandwiches sans crust, and tantrums, so they project their inner scars onto the rest of us who just might be having more fun because we demand a world for adults.
Kids are for the factories, the mines, or the city dump wrapped in bloody rugs, not my private time.
Moms, you fucked up your lives and now must suffer through tortures no North Vietnamese prison could replicate. Them's the breaks. But stay the fuck away from mine.
RR Phantom
Location : Wasted Space Job/hobbies : Cayman Islands Actuary
Subject: Funnius Jokeius Fri Dec 28, 2007 10:56 pm
Last edited by on Wed Jan 02, 2008 5:00 am; edited 1 time in total
Subject: Another fdr Defoo-ing Rampage? Wed Jan 02, 2008 7:06 pm
Two teenagers kill foster mother and her mother in-law
Two teenagers have been charged with fatally shooting their foster mother as well as her mother-in-law.
Dickson County sheriff’s deputies made the charges public stating that the 15 and 16-year-old foster children of Mary Clark are charged with two counts of first degree murder.
38-year-old Mary Clark and 66-year-old Gail Clark, according to Sheriff’s Detective John Patterson, were found shot to death in different rooms in the home of Mary Clark on Tuesday morning.
The reports are that there was a motive in the killings. That motive though has not yet been made public in any such way.
Mary Clark lives with her husband and daughter. She was alone with the foster kids though at the timea s they were out of town.
There is no word yet on how or why this terrible tragedy took place in this little Tennessee town.
PS. Hey, those guns in a circle remind me of fdr's retarded logo... hmmm... is this just a coincidence??? Or are there sinister forces at work here??? Hmmm...
Subject: Re: Funnius Jokeius Wed Jan 02, 2008 9:49 pm
Q:What is the difference between a wife and a girlfriend?
A:About 45 pounds!!
Q:What is the difference between a husband and a boyfriend?
A:About 45 minutes !!
How can you tell a blond is having a bad day?
When she has a tampon behind her ear and can't find her pencil
I have to admit it, Jensen had offered a brilliant proposal to resolve our troublesome problem. He suggested we form three committees, one to study the problem directly, one to study how other companies had resolved similar problems, and a third to oversee the first two and coordinate their efforts into a workable solution. The plan worked flawlessly and we assigned the janitor to change the light bulb
While in Birmingham, England, President Clinton saluted Frank Sinatra, saying the singer and entertainer "really did do it his way''...
WOMAN: The most efficient money reducing agent known to man-kind!
What is the difference between a whore, a nympho, and a blond?
The whore says, "Aren't you done yet?" , The nympho says, "Are you done ALREADY?" And the blond says, "Beige. I think I'll paint the celling beige..."
One day, the Captain of the 40-oared royal barge goes down to speak to the slaves in the hold of his ship. "Men, I have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, the Queen will be joining us today for a trip up the Nile." The men cheered and rattled their chains. "The bad news is, she wants to go water skiing."
When you ask a housewife, accountant, and lawyer what 2+2 is, what do they give you?
The housewife says "Four." The accountant says "It's either three or four, let me run it through my spreadsheet again." The lawyer closes the shutters, turns down the lights, and whispers "What do you want it to be?"
Did you hear about the Blind man that went Bungee jumping? Scared the hell out of the dog.
How are twisters (tornadoes) and marriage alike? They both begin with a lot of blowing and sucking, and in the end you lose your house.
why'd the monkey fall outta the tree? 'cause he was dead... why'd the other monkey fall outta the tree? 'cause he was dead too... why'd the third monkey fall outta the tree? peer pressure...
What do Germans use for birth control? Their personalities!
I believe in making the world safe for our children. But not our children's children, because I don't think chilldren should be having sex.
Incest. A game the whole family can play.
Written on a toilet roll in a public Lavatory : "Sociology Degrees, please take one."
Roses are redish, Violets are blueish, If it wasn't for Christmas, We'd all be Jewish.
Two men were changing in the locker room after a game of tennis. One notices the other one is putting on pair of stockings and suspenders. He says "When did you start wearing them?" To which the other man replies "Since my wife found a pair on the back seat of the car."
The company sergent is briefing the recruits: "For the next ten weeks the commanding officer will be your father, and I will be your mother. Incidentally we are not married, so you know what that makes you..."
What did the elephant say to the naked man? How do you breathe through that thing?
Drive carefully. 90% of the people on the road are caused by accident.
What do you call a man that doesn't use contraceptives? Daddy.
What happened when Jesus went up to Mount Olive? Popeye beat him up.
(To the tune of 'Yesterday') Leprosy, bits and pieces falling off of me, I'm not half the man I used to be, Oh I contracted Leprosy.
It was so cold, the town flasher ran up and described himself.
What do you get if you cross an Irish man with a German? A man who's too drunk to follow orders.
Two cows in a field. One says to the other 'What do you think about this mad cow desease?' The other one replies 'Blimey! a talking cow!'
How many men do you need for a mafia funeral? Only one. To slam the car boot shut.
Six stages of married life: 1: Tri-weekly 2: Try weekly 3: Try weakly 4. Try oysters 5: Try anything 6: Try to remember
The graduate with a science degree asks 'Why does it work?' The graduate with an engineering degree asks 'How does it do that?' The graduate with an accounting degree asks 'How much does it cost?' The graduate with the Arts degree asks 'Do you want fries with that?'
What's the difference between a rottweiler and a poodle? If a rotwieler starts humping your leg you let it finish.
Eve to Adam: 'What do you mean the kids don't look like you?'
An angry husband returned home one night to find his wife in bed with a naked man. 'What are you doing' he shouted. To which his wife said to her lover 'I told you he was stupid'
This male prostitute contracted leprosy. He did okay for a while, but then his business dropped off.
Wise man once said "man who stands on toilet is high on pot"
Even if you fall flat on your face, you're still moving forwards.
Everyone has a purpose... even if it is just to take a bullet for someone more important than them.
To strive for perfection is ignorant, To strive for excellence commendable, To strive for mediocrity unnecessary.
Last edited by on Thu Jan 03, 2008 2:03 am; edited 2 times in total
RR Phantom
Location : Wasted Space Job/hobbies : Cayman Islands Actuary
Subject: Re: Funnius Jokeius Wed Jan 02, 2008 9:53 pm
Q: How can you tell when a blonde is menstruating.
Subject: Re: Funnius Jokeius Thu Jan 03, 2008 7:49 am
Husband and wife in their bedroom. The wife says to the husband: "Darling, take off my dress." The husband complies. "And now", she says in a husky voice, "Take off my high heel shoes. That's nice. Now, take off my stockings and suspenders. Aaah, good. Now, gently unhook my bra and take it off. Goood. And finally, take off my panties, will you? Thank you. AND DON'T YOU EVER LET ME CATCH YOU WEAR ANY OF THEM AGAIN!!!"
Love Poem
He grabbed me around my slender neck I could not call or scream. He dragged me to my dingy room where we could not be seen.
He tore away my flimsy wrap and gazed upon my form. I was so cold and damp and scared while he was dry and warm.
He pressed his feverish lips to mine I could not make him stop. He drained me of my inner self I gave him every drop.
Then he cast me from his side so now you see me here. An empty bottle thrown away that once was full of beer.
RR Phantom
Location : Wasted Space Job/hobbies : Cayman Islands Actuary
Subject: Needed: more libertarian femme fatales Mon Jan 07, 2008 7:19 am
Needed: more libertarian femme fatales
"Maybe what this often stodgy movement of ours really needs to help with recruitment of activists are more provocative freedom-fighters like "anarcho-objectivist" Angela Keaton, station manager of KOOP 91.7 in Austin, Texas, and host of the weekly "Liberated Space" radio program. She writes of herself:
"Utterly devoid of spirituality, she is an atheist, spinster and cranky old maid. ... The New York born loner runs an editing service out of her root cellar. She often answers her phone with the greeting, 'Jesus Christ! Who the hell is it now?!' "
Angela's site LiberatedSpace.com features lots of archived radio shows (very good interviews with the likes of James Bovard, Joseph Sobran, and L. Neil Smith), some hardline anarchist and antiwar ranting, and plenty of cheesecake photos of Angela like the one featured here.
It's nice that libertarianism has some sex appeal."
Subject: Funnius Jokeius 
Wed Dec 26, 2007 4:54 pm
