RR Phantom
Location : Wasted Space
Job/hobbies : Cayman Islands Actuary
 |  Subject: There is nothing worse than living your life in fear  Sat Jun 23, 2012 3:25 am | |
| A year ago yesterday, I was released from more than two months of secret detention. Police told me yesterday that they have lifted my bail conditions. I am happy the year is up, but also feel sorry about it. I have no sense of why I lost my freedom, and if you don't know how you lost something, how can you protect it?
''Wei'' means ''future'' and also ''uncertainty'', and the future really is unknown. They have said I cannot leave China because they are still investigating cases against me - for pornography, exchanging foreign currency and bigamy. It is very, very strange. I am not a criminal. They grabbed something from me because they have power. The 81 days of detention were a nightmare. I am not unique: this has happened to many people. They were extreme conditions, created by a system that thinks it is above the law and has become a kind of monstrous machine. There are so many moments when you feel desperate and hopeless. But still, the next morning, you hear the birds singing. You have to ask yourself: can you afford to give up the fight for freedom of expression or human dignity? As an artist, this is an essential value that can never be given up.
I often ask myself if I am afraid of being detained again. My inner voice says I am not. I love freedom, like anybody; maybe more than most people. But it is such a tragedy if you live your life in fear. That's worse than actually losing your freedom. What I gained from the experience is a much stronger sense of responsibility, and an understanding of what the problems are and how one can understand what's happening and remain a positive force. You have to see your own position from the other side; at the same time you have to maintain a passion for what you are doing.
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My involvement in so-called political affairs started in 2008. After I designed the Olympic stadium I realised the Olympics was not going to bring real joy to society but propaganda. I stood up and criticised it. I started to write about judicial procedures and make documentaries and gained support among young people and online. I think that made the government scared.
I started to ask: why can't they solve minor problems rather than have them blow up? Of course, no one is listening. You talk to the wall and the stones. Every time you try to correct something, or demand a clear answer, your situation becomes more miserable.
They destroyed my studio and fabricated a crime that put a 15 million yuan ($2.3 million) tax bill on me. We are now suing the Beijing tax authorities for abuse of powers. We are using this opportunity to make them realise what's wrong and inform the public, even though we know the results won't be positive. They refused to let our manager and accountant be witnesses at the trial on Wednesday, or let me attend court. They even made my friend Liu Xiaoyuan, a lawyer, disappear before the hearing.
Friends of mine say: ''Weiwei, my father has been questioned, my mother has been questioned, my sister has been questioned because of you.'' I don't know these people. Why does the system make them suffer? Because it can't allow anybody to exercise their humanity. But when your children will never have a chance to have their voices heard, do you want to turn away?
Reflect on Bo Xilai's case, Chen Guangcheng's and mine. We are three very different examples: you can be a high party member or a humble fighter for rights or a recognised artist. The situations are completely different but we all have one thing in common: none of us has been dealt with through fair trials and open discussion. China has not established the rule of law, and if there is a power above the law there is no justice.
I'm just a citizen: my life is equal in value to any other. But I'm thankful that when I lost my freedom so many people put such touching effort into helping me. It gives me hope: stupidity can win for a moment, but it can never really succeed because the nature of humans is to seek freedom. They can delay that freedom but they can't stop it.
Read more: http://www.smh.com.au/opinion/politics/there-is-nothing-worse-than-living-your-life-in-fear-20120622-20tkj.html#ixzz1ybCUfmWM
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