CovOps
 Location : Ether-Sphere
Job/hobbies : Irrationality Exterminator
Humor : Über Serious
 |  Subject: 75% of married women say sex is 'very important'  Wed Feb 08, 2012 6:23 am | |
| Married sex may get a bad rap in pop culture as being non-existent, but it's alive in bedrooms across the USA, finds a nationally representative survey of married women released today.
Of the 1,001 wives ages 18-49 surveyed last month, 75% say a good sex life with their spouse is "very or extremely important"; 16% say "somewhat important."
It's the "ultimate 'am I normal' study," says Liz Zack of the online women's community iVillage, which commissioned the study. "We don't know whether the stuff that happens between the sheets at my house is the same stuff happening in the bedrooms of America."
MORE: Date nights can improve your marriage
Sex therapist and clinical psychologist Barry McCarthy, who was not involved in the research, says society downplays marital sex, which shouldn't be compared with extramarital sex or premarital sex. "You never see marital sex in the movies," he says. "In the movies and in our culture, what is exciting sexually is something that is breaking the boundaries and is illicit. The key to marital sex is integrating intimacy and eroticism."
For survey respondents, communication translates to action in the bedroom: 44% say they get in the mood for sex when their spouse "says nice things." That was second only to "feelings of love," 67%.
"What most surveys find women really want is emotional connection and intimacy as a precondition for being in the mood to have sex," says John Gottman, an emeritus professor of psychology at the University of Washington in Seattle and author of The Science of Trust: Emotional Attunement for Couples. "What's been described as low libido in women is the fact their men stopped courting them. They are no longer trying to be intimate." Gottman was not involved in the survey.
Eileen Nekava, 29, of Tampa Bay, Fla., says she loves hearing nice things from her husband of six years, Steven Nekava, 38. "It's nice to know he appreciates me and still thinks about me in that type of way."
One way they keep that flame going is by making "date nights" a dedicated part of their lives ever since their 4-year-old's birth. They've been married six years, and she's due with their second child in May.
Nekava, who works in IT sales, and her husband, an engineer, try to avoid talking about work or their daughter on date night. "It's a way for us to get alone time and us just focus on each other."
Stephanie Dulli of Washington, D.C., says "hearing nice things absolutely is romantic and a turn-on." But she's with the 25% who say "seeing your spouse as a great parent" or the almost 20% who say it's when your spouse cleans the house or makes dinner that gets them in the mood for sex. "There is nothing sexier in the world than when my husband is giving the baby a bath without me asking. … If he takes it upon himself to do the dishes or the laundry, that's such an act of service, and that's another way he shows he cares for me. I find it dreamy." Dulli has two sons, ages 3 and 8 months.
The survey also found:
•49% say they had better sex before they had children; 34% say the kids didn't change their sex lives.
•38% say they and their spouses initiate sex equally.
•22% have sent "sexts" (sexual texts or pictures via cellphone) to their husbands; 18% e-mail flirty messages and 12% leave sexy voicemail messages.
•50% said stress reduces their desire to have sex, as does exhaustion, 49%; children, 39%; lack of romance, 34%; arguments, 31%; loss of physical attraction, 14%.
•12% have had sex with someone else while married.
McCarthy, a psychology professor and co-author of Enduring Desire: Your Guide to Lifelong Intimacy, says married sex needs to keep alive a sense of connection that is both intimate and erotic.
"All the self-help advice is how to make sex much more erotic. I think better advice is how to make the sexual experience more inviting," he says. "Part of that is making it more intimate and more verbally inviting."
More: http://yourlife.usatoday.com/sex-relationships/marriage/story/2012-02-07/75-of-married-women-say-sex-is-very-important/52993576/1?csp=ip |
|
