CovOps
 Location : Ether-Sphere
Job/hobbies : Irrationality Exterminator
Humor : Über Serious
 |  Subject: Funny: ABC-- the Administration for Brain Control  Wed Jul 01, 2009 4:21 am | |
| ABC Television, formerly known as the American Broadcasting Company, has undergone rebranding and will henceforth be called the Administration for Brain Control.
This comes as a result of the network's news department, having openly and explicitly jettisoned all pretense of objectivity and neutrality, decided to throw in with the Obama administration and voluntarily act as the Joseph Goebbels Memorial Ministry of Propaganda.
(Sorry history haters, but you have to know something about the Nazi era of Germany to understand that allusion.)
As all news nerds and political pundits know by now, on June 24, 2009, the network positioned itself as a pliant underling of the Obama Regime by providing a free glorified infomercial for Obamacare called Prescription for America, which was preceded by gratis promotional hoop-la, pro Obama plan palaver on Good Morning America, Charles Gibson anchoring World News Tonight from the Blue Room of the White House, and followed up by more free exposure on the ABC late night "news" show Nightline.
The whole premise, of course, is that government must dictate healthcare in America. The only debate allowed was how.
Now that the former free market broadcast network has become a voluntarily politicalized quasi public/private government/independent entity like USPS, Fanny Mae, Freddie Mac, and General Motors, we can expect announcements like these in the future:
ABC Children's Programming Department announces the new animated series, Stevie the Stinkbug. Every Saturday morning with their parents still blissfully asleep, and after explaining to the trusting little boys and girls watching from the other side of their plasma screens in their living rooms that his politically correct name is Steven the Odiferous Insect, Stevie will narrate a thinly disguised morality play about the collective minority rights concept of social tolerance and group empowerment.
Episode one will tell the tale of the grasshopper who laughed and sang all summer while the ants worked their little ant butts off gathering food for the coming winter. With the insects cozy in their hole and the lawn jumper freezing outside, our Green Hero begins demanding his welfare rights.
"I am an equal member of the insect community. I have the right to claim my fair share of the food you gathered. Eating is a right of all. No one can 'own' food. You can't hold my lifestyle choice against me. Anti-Grasshopperism is evil. Not feeding me is a violation of my civil rights. You must feed me for the sake of the children."
The ant colony, being an idealized Marxist collectivist utopia espousing equal access to all resources, opens it's door to the hopper in the name of fairness and equality and egalitarianism, even though they know most of them will die of starvation as the big green Acrididae eats them out of hearth and home.
But the surviving members of the Family of Ant learn lessons in diversity sensitivity and species equality.
Other episodes will include The Fox and the Free Range Organic Grapes and The Little Boy Who Cried Warming.
ABC Sports Programming Department announces that it has obtained broadcast rights to the full schedule of the newly created Flag Football League next season. The FFL, patterned after the nationwide public school's Soccer Mom group sports programs, will feature boys and girls playing together equally. No tackling, blocking, hitting, bumping, or throwing of footballs will be allowed. No score will be kept, there will be no winners or losers, everyone gets a trophy for showing up, and everyone gets ice cream after each scheduled game, referred to in the official rules as a Play Date.
ABC Daytime Programming Department announces a new soap opera, tentatively titled Daze of Our Liberal Lives. Everyone will be nice to each other. Indoor voices will be used during heated discussions of interpersonal issues. Abusive spouses, life partners, and significant others will be seen taking a time out. Cheating and mate swapping will be tolerated as "lifestyle choices." Women engaging in extra-relational affairs of passion will be called Sexually Liberated Feminists rather than Two-Faced Bimbos. However, men doing the same will still be called Backstabbing Slut Puppies.
ABC Infotainment Department announces a new series of interview shows called Let's Pretend to Debate. Weekly editions will feature Charles Gibson lobbing softball questions to Nancy Pelosi, Harry Reid feeding prepared answers to Diane Sawyer's previewed questions, former Clinton de facto press secretary George Stephanopoulos holding Obama press secretary Robert Gibbs' hand while Gibbs stutters through an interview response, and an entire network studiously ignoring the only real news person they have, libertarian John Stossel.
Meanwhile, PBS, the Public Broadcasting Service, is rumored to be filing suit against ABC, jealously claiming that they are the one true Government Broadcasting Bureaucracy.
http://www.examiner.com/x-1449-Dallas-Libertarian-Examiner~y2009m6d30-ABC-the-Administration-for-Brain-Control |
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