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 How to tell if you're in a dysfunctional relationship

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RR Phantom


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PostSubject: How to tell if you're in a dysfunctional relationship   Mon May 14, 2018 9:35 pm

There are many ways to describe a relationship. A "good" relationship can be "healthy", or "fulfilling"; a "bad" relationship can be "abusive" or "soul destroying". I prefer "functional" versus "dysfunctional". The term "dysfunctional relationship" removes blame from either individual, and locates the pathology squarely in the dynamic. As someone who has been in all manner of dysfunctional and functional relationships, it resonates strongly. There are some people who bring out the best in me, and others who bring out the crazy, and I clearly do the same for them.

But how do we define a "dysfunctional" relationship?

Look online and there are a number of checklists to determine whether or not your relationship is dysfunctional. Most include specific behaviours: you fight dirty, you hold grudges, you assign blame, you make threats.

Now, clearly, itís important to take stock of your behaviour in a relationship. It takes two to tango, and we all must take responsibility for our own contribution to the dynamic.

But because it takes two to tango, our own conduct within a relationship tells only part of the story. Our actions do not exist in a vacuum, they exist within the context of the relationship. I behaved in some pretty terrible ways when I was married (I certainly held grudges and I certainly assigned blame) but I was responding to a situation. I couldnít change my behavior in isolation. The whole dynamic needed fixing.
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How to tell if you're in a dysfunctional relationship

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